Three Groups of Parents

So i recently read an article about Hulda Niebuhr.

"Who the heck is Hulda Niebuhr," you might wonder?

Niebuhr was a religious educator in th early 20th century, and she was very successful for her time. She was well-educated and became the first woman inaugurated as a full professor in 1953 at McCormick Theological Seminary. She taught in the division of Christian Education and had served the church in that role for a long time as well.

So what does this have to do with you ministry?

While as a religous educator, not surprisingly, Niebuhr had to face parents much like we do as youth workers. She learned, as we have, that working with parents can be a very challenging thing. I know of many youth workers who have had their fair share of struggles when it comes to parents and too often are tempted to see parents as enemies in their ministries. Such an approach to youth ministry is not healthy, but the truth is that often the parents of our students don't help reinforce the scriptural teachings of our youth ministries in the home. Niebuhr suggested that perhaps the issue that lies behind this challenge is that we don't truly understand the parents.

Niebuhr argued that there are essentially three groups of parents:

1. the first group consists of those whose lives are so busy that they leave the religous education of their children to the church, with no recognition of their part in the educational process. We all know these parents. These are the parents who take no active role in the discipleship of their child. Your relationship with them is no partnership. You teach their kid about Jesus, and they raise their child and often the two seem mutually exclusive.

2. the second group is made up of those for whom the daily necessity to feed, clothe, and house the children demands everything they have. These are the parents who have the best intenti0ns but the pace of life for them doesn't allow for meaningful spiritual formation to occur in the home. These parents are in survival mode. an example of this would be the single mom who works two jobs just so she can pay the rent and feed her kids. Neibuhr believed that the call of the church in relation to these parents, is social before its educational. In other words, looking for ways to care for this family should precede an emphasis on having regular family devotions.

3. the third group of parents consists of those who take their work as educators seriously, though at the same time joyously and in the spirit of adventure. These parents play an acitve and primary role in the discipleship of their child, and in this case the youth worker is simply a resource for the parent and another voice to speak into the life and spiritual adventure of the student.

I think we all hope for parents in group three, maybe we even pray for these kinds of parents. As you've probably experienced that is usually a small group of parents. Most of our kids are coming from homes that resemble groups one and two. When I read these classifications I was challenged to think about how I could help a parent move from groups one or two to group three. I don'[t necessarily think that this is solely the job of the youth worker but I think our youth ministries are great places to begin thinking about how the church can come alongside parents of teenagers and encourage, bless, and empower them to see themselves as the primary spiriutal influence in their kid's life. I love the way that Niebuhr describes these parents, "they take their role as educators seriously but at the same time joyously and in the spirit of adventure."

What a great prayer for our parents, that they might disciple their children in both seriousness and joy, and in a spirit of adventure!

I'd love to hear your thoughts on how we can be more intentional about helping our parents in this process.